It’s Been a Minute…

I promise we haven’t fallen off the face of the earth.  We have been a little MIA, and that’s really not what I want.  So here I am, back at it, and hopefully that won’t happen again.  And it’s not for lack of content.  I have a half-written post that I was working on at the beginning of the year about financial spreadsheets that I was going to share.  Our little man, Collin, celebrated his 1^st birthday, and I was working on his birthday video.  But, life happened.  More specifically, my hormones decided to go on a roller coaster I didn’t want to get on. 

I went through a month and a half of putting myself on auto-pilot and literally taking life day by day, or some days, hour by hour.  It was rough.  Some days were good, but the more time that went on, those good days were becoming scarce, and the bad days began to take over.  I know I wasn’t a joy to be around.  I didn’t even like being around myself.  But I felt like I had no control of my emotions and thoughts.  I cried multiple times a day for no reason, I was angry, and my thoughts were negative.  My two sweet little boys saw the worst side of me.  A side that I am ashamed of and hope and pray that I never return to.

We were in survival mode and I considered it a win if we made it through the day dressed and fed.  And that was about the extent of my productivity.  I had zero motivation and energy to do much more.  But at the same time, if we had to go out of the house for whatever reason, I was really good at putting on a smile and pretending that everything was okay when really, inside I felt like a piece of garbage.  It’s so weird to even say that, but that is truly what I was thinking. 

I talked about all that I was feeling with Brady and he was a good sounding board for me to vent my frustrations and feelings.  I’m grateful that he put up with me because I know I wasn’t fun to be around. 

Anyways, that has been the last two months of my life.  I’m glad to be on the other side of it and I hope to never go to that place again.  I debated on sharing this here or not, but one thing that we have always tried to do is to be real and honest.  So that is why I’m sharing.  Thank you truly for being here. 

-Marcel